Author: Vaishnavi Sanap

s p a c e s

There are some spaces in between those
lines, they need to be filled.
I don’t want to try to read those spaces,
find meaning that could have just been
imagination running wild,
like I’ve wanted to, from you,
for a long time now.
You could write some words,
maybe erase the whole paragraph,
start with small one lettered ones
and then move onto ones that
are a bit more complicated,
focusing on each syllable as you
scrawl them out;
fresh, new, as the words huddle
closely, no spaces to read.
Maybe you could write a new
piece, altogether.

 

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Languages

I feel my tongue roll off the
back of my front teeth and my
lips forming something along a
fish mouth.
“No.” I say it in the language
I learnt at school.
I feel my throat vibrate as
I say it out loud.

There are three other languages
For me to say it in,
And I will use them all to deny
everything that you say.

“Nahi.”, I reiterate it in the language
I picked up in the streets,
pushing you away further, with
more strength than I could have
physically.

I watch you. Your face
pulled up straight,

letting no emotion show.
Eyes filled with an expression
I cannot read.
Correction: would not read.

“Non.” I say with the same
determination as I watched them say it
in the movies.
I see some of your walls break down.
Was that hurt in your eyes?

“Nien.” I add a finality from a book that
I’d read,
and watch as your walls topple
over each other as they crumble down,
a single tear rolling down your left eye.

I know you couldn’t hear me.
All you could was static, as you
read my lips, shivering as they were.
But that’s the beauty of words;
it is the pure language of the universe.


space

I flew to space as I
took a three hour
nap in the afternoon.
There wasn’t a spaceship
as I transported to the moon
in almost a second, and then
looked down to the big blue blob
that seemed really pretty
from where I stood.

From the now fading remnants
of my dream, one that did
not include bloodshed, or
me waking up with a start,
I remember seeing white
snowy mountains that rose
above all, I could see the waves
as they rose and fell, mightily
crashing against boulders
that faded back into blissful
silence as I plunged back to
sleep.

yell

how many times should
you be told that yelling
does NOT solve anything?

how many times should I
yell it for you;
just so that my voice
could be heard over yours?
to stand my ground when all
you do is to yell at me to step
over to the other side faster
than I could process it?

I’m terrified. Your yelling
terrifies me to an extent where
I give up.
I give up and surrender to you.

I surrender not because I
cannot fight on,
but because there is no use of it.

you wouldn’t understand anyway.

That’s what you wanted, right?
But wait.
There’s more.
you now have me being
indifferent to you.
and that’s worse than hate.

But, wait.
I don’t see you want that, either.
so, you choose.

I don’t really think you have a choice.

magic

tell me, is there magic in this world?
do you see the stars every night and wish
on them, hoping they could bring
the world to your feet?

do you kiss your partner and feel all
your troubles vanish, like the dust after the
first rain hits the earth?

tell me,
do you believe in magic?

show

show me a world wherein
the living aren’t presumed
dead before they have had
a chance to breathe, before
they have uttered a word, in
hopes of being understood
as ones with a promise to
keep in this great world, a
little effort to make to make
this a better place for you
and I, for breathing purer
air, for living in a bit safer
neighbourhoods.

Show me a world wherein
dreams come true and
love reigns over all.

Show me a world that’s
beautiful, in every way.

fade

This is to you, the one
who can remember to
forget the ones that matter.

To you, who can think of
letting go of those who
still tightly hold your pinky
hoping to have something
as an anchor as the rest of
the world fades away.

To you, who needs a
reason to miss people,
to be so cut off that it
hurts. Physically.

It hurts to see you so
happy. It hurts to see
you being nonchalant
at everything, to cut off
ties faster than I could say no.

It still hurts, kid.
And it hurts bad.